Why she was his Alone
by Amledo
Summary: A PanLyra fic. Lyra is 18 years old Pan is human, why? OOC and a little AU. Written on a dare actually. Rated M for a reason.Seriously if you are going to bash the pairing. Dont read. DISCONTINUED
1. Why She Was His Alone

(A/N: Hey guys, I'm Amledo. I'm going to tell you right now that I don't own His Dark Materials. I never will. Oh and this is a Pan and Lyra fiction, just so you know. She is 18.)

Why she was his Alone

The light filtered in through her window, it gleamed brightly off of her golden curls and the bright white coat of the cat sleeping next to her. Pan woke first, shifting to the now well liked form of a golden hawk. He swooped carefully above her and lifted the blankets from her sleeping form, silently and secretly observing the changes in her eighteen year old body. His Lyra was an adult, and the changes had not completely escaped his notice, even if he knew that it was wrong for him to think so, he believed she was sexy. Who better to love her than her own soul's mate, the one she was born for and the one she would die with? They would never be alone.

"Lyra, wake up. They're going to yell at us again. Come on, we don't need any more punishments," Pan whispered, watching as she arched her back to stretch pressing her large firm breasts against the fabric of her night shirt. He wondered dimly if she ever caught wind of his thoughts, if she was made uncomfortable by him. But he loved her none the less and happily shifted into a ferret's form to be more easily cuddled by his loving Lyra's waiting arms. Oh he couldn't believe that she still wanted to hold him that way.

"I don't care Pan. They can punish me all they want. We aren't going to settle the way they want. I'm six years past the normal time; no one has ever gone this long. We are always going to be in trouble because we don't fit their plans for us. So let's stay," she whispered and cuddled him closer even as he pawed her shirt with what she presumed was anxiety at the thought of punishment. Then he did the one thing he never dared to do before, his small paw actually grabbed her breast, letting her know for once what he really thought.

"If you really don't care about the rules, why don't you break the rest of them? Lyra, let me pleasure you," he whispered as his courage surfaced and took hold of him, probably given to him by the sight of the blush on her cheeks. For a moment she stared silently at him, her face lacking expression before a smirk began to grow, stretching her lips. She planted a kiss atop his head and gave a small laugh.

"Oh Pan, I wish we could. But your claws would only hurt me. I can let you watch me though," she whispered to him and he nodded softly, his eyes darting to the door to make sure it was closed and locked. All of him seemed to strain as he watched her remove her shirt, her full breasts filling his vision, and though he had seen them before they were far more beautiful now. He watched her arch her back and slip her panties off, leaving her naked before him, the perfect vision of beauty. By the Gods he wanted her.

"Lyra, oh my god, you are so beautiful. Oh Lyra, let me see you writhe in pleasure," he whispered as he edged closer to her. As she slid her hands over her breasts and down to the satiny golden hair between her legs he again felt himself strain, and something was different then. He felt like he had when he was crushed in the hands of the golden monkey, his body seemingly forced to change. But this time it was absolutely no choice of his own.

Pain lanced him as he felt his body begin to grow, and panic set in that he was finally settling and that he wouldn't maintain his freedom. His Lyra could only watch in mute horror as he changed, he shifted and he grew. The transformation became painfully obvious almost instantly, humanity began to claim his features and in the end of it all he was staring at her with wide eyes. He was a human man, the long black hair and surreal blue eyes he had been given looked at him in the mirror just as his Lyra looked at him.

"Pan, you're a…human. And you're naked…and beautiful," she stammered and looked at him with awe as she longed to reach out and touch him. It was he that touched her, his fingers brushing over her face, letting her skin be his fist human sensation.

"I love you my Lyra, my dearest," he whispered and leaned forward, his lips caught hers as she moved to meet him. Their kiss was slow, deep, conveying all the love of a life lived together and yet apart.

"I love you Pan, my soul mate," she whispered in reply before letting his lips take hers again. They came closer, hugging each other close and letting their hands and lips roam as each learned all that the other was. His hands slowly massaged her breasts as one of hers reached down to grasp his hardened member, giving him small strokes to excite him. It was only a matter of time, a moment to wait for, they were going to make love, and then they would probably end up in hell for their actions. Even though there was obviously not statute for something like this happening.

Gently he pressed her to the bed, letting himself down atop her and kissing her face, neck, and hair. He slowly tasted her breasts with his tongue as he pressed her legs apart and brought himself closer to her. When she could feel the press of the engorged head of his member pressed against her maidenhood she shivered. There was so much temptation in this moment, so much passion and when she rocked her hips against him they both cried out in shock at the amazing feeling.

"Are you ready?" he asked tenderly, his soft pink lips forming a smile as she nodded and reached up to caress his pale face. When he plunged into her it hurt, but he kissed away her tears and held onto her while she got use to his size. It occurred to her that he had taken her virginity as he gazed down at her, the love in his eyes unmistakable as he waited for her to tell him that she was going to be okay.

Once she had made the adjustment, once she felt the amazing pleasure generated by his very presence inside of her she told him with her eyes that he could continue. Her hands reached up to hold his back as he began to slowly thrust in, deeper and deeper, always sliding out slowly. A pleasurable haze settled over her mind and she buried her head against his neck as he increased his speed. He lowered her down again and closed his lips over her right nipple while his hand went to pleasure her left. With his thrusts being timed to hers, with the feeling of him stroking her deeply she couldn't hope to hold out for very long. But several minutes later they were still going, still fighting their release to give each other the most amazing experience of their lives.

When it finally came to an end Pan came first, letting his seed deep into Lyra, wondering dimly if any child could ever result from a human and her daemon mate. She came as hard as he did, her inner walls closing tightly along his length, effectively wringing him dry of all that he had given her. Glazed in sweat, but undeniably happy he collapsed on top of her.

"I really do love you Pan," she panted and stroked his beautiful hair. Her arms were still around him as they gasped for air, even as she could feel his contribution to their lovemaking sliding out of her body.

"And I love you my Lyra," he replied, pulling her strongly into his arms as he kissed her. They drifted back to sleep together, not caring what happened, or what punishment they faced. They had finally found their right places in the world. Pan knew with a silent message from his own inner being that he was settled, he was as human as the girl of his dreams. He just didn't know what to do with it. Both of them wondered what people would say when they walked by on the street, a Human and a Daemon completely indistinguishable from one another. What would that do to the state of the world?

For the moment though they were lovers falling into an exhausted embrace, napping lightly still displaying the scent of their actions. They didn't care how they changed the world with their actions; love was the one thing that it had taken to finally tame the great Lyra. She had been waiting for the one thing that had been hers since the very beginning of her life. That was the reason that she was his alone.

(A/N: Well if you guys liked that you can review. I might consider adding a few more chapters just to let you know what happens because of this relationship.)


	2. Their Secret No More

(A/N: A little long in coming, but here's chapter two. I still don't own anything and you still don't have to read this if you don't like this pairing.)

Why she was his Alone Pt. 2: Their Secret no More

For the second time that day, Lyra woke, her eyes for the first time feeling alert, as if the world had been behind a shimmering and deceptive veil before. Beside her lie a very human presence, and momentarily she panicked, how could he be there? What had she done? But then the glittering blue eyes of Pan stilled her fluttering heart. Her mate was the gift given to her by the Gods, by the presence that had held sway over them through all their long and dangerous adventures together. Peace, finally was hers, it was theirs, their life and their hope for normalcy. She smiled calmly and kissed him deeply.

They were going to be in big trouble for being so late in waking up. How in the world were they going to be received, a couple that should never be able to exist. Lyra didn't care, she would run away with Pan if she could, she didn't like the College, and she didn't like rules. Her heart was tied to a changing tide of passion and curiosity. It wouldn't do her very well to be forced to submit to a conformist regime, the world needed to be experienced in a way that only personal travel could provide. If they weren't going to let her do that then she was going to take it by force.

As she dressed herself she contemplated the things that she would need to pack away for travel. She pondered the weight that she could carry; her years of running all over the city and epic adventure had certainly provided her with enough fortitude for a heavier pack, but what of Pan? They were going to have to see because they were going to need lots of food now that he was human. She wondered if he was going to have to eat, if he would still be as he was when he was a normal daemon and only need to eat every few days. Again, they were going to have to find out.

Then she paused as Pan climbed out of her bed, he was wrapped in her blankets, and he didn't have any clothes to wear. Unless that was she still had the clothes from her younger days, the disguises that she had used to hide the ever growing characteristics of her female body. They were baggy and perhaps big enough to fit him comfortably. She waded through to messy tangles of cloth that she had thrown around and hidden for years, the small cache was at the back of the relatively large closet. Then with a squeak of triumph she hurled a small bundle of pants and shirts at his head, she was almost surprised when he caught it with little difficulty.

Though she wanted him to be hers and hers alone, she knew that she couldn't hide him in her room for all eternity, for all she knew there was no way that they could be apart. After all it appeared that they were still human and Daemon. She wasn't sure that the Gods were ever going to be able to change that sort of thing. Although it would be much appreciated if they would give him to her, if they would make him human and let him be the father of her children. Or was it simply that they didn't want her to have a child? Lyra, the girl of legends, the woman who would never be tamed, harbored a secret fear of never being a mother. The joy that she saw on the faces of the young women in the street as they pushed little carriages with tiny sleeping infants in them, she wanted that.

Pan pulled the clothes on, leaving several more outfits on the floor, realizing that they were probably going to need to pack away some clothes. The plotting look on his dear Lyra's face told him as much, just not exactly what was going to happen. When they were both presentable and decently awake, Lyra took his hand and walked with him out of her rooms. The people in the hall did not instantly pause, but the Master of the College froze in his tracks. Obviously he had taken some time out of his day to come and scold the girl that still dwelt within the walls of the college. She refused to obey him and he never understood why, but this was beyond change.

"Lyra, what is the meaning of this?" He was appropriately outraged and the girl flashed the devilish smile that she never lost in all of her maturity. The rebellious soul that stood beside her in human form was all that she had to define herself in a dull world. They were never going to change, they were a pair and they were a force to be reckoned with even among their elders.

"Don't you understand Sir? Do you not remember Pan? He's been with me all of my life," she said smugly, it had the effect of smacking the older man in the face. He couldn't quite grasp what was going on but he knew that something terrible had transpired. Darkly his eyes shifted between the girl and the boy, no longer children or master and daemon. Had the powers forsaken these two or were their plans so complex that they needed this situation?

"I can't understand, in all truth. Why would they give a Daemon a human form? And why for that matter, would they chose you?" the Master said his eyes almost closed as he thought. He was leaning against the wall, the hallway was not a proper place to have his reality shattered, and he couldn't stand up under his own power. Why did so many strange things happen where Lyra and Pan were concerned?

"I don't know Sir. We are going to leave here. I need to find things out on my own. I need this and so does Pan. We will never find any of this out here, I've scoured your libraries and found nothing for my Pan's continued unsettled form, and I know that there will be nothing on him taking up humanity as a guise. So I request that you let me leave here. For the sheer need of discovery, I must do this," the girl said with conviction that he had never really known from her.

Sadly, but with acceptance he nodded. The girl that he had watched grow into herself had finally succeeded in growing up. The problem was not believing but accepting that she was her own person and that he had to let her go. Not only that but that the Daemon that he had so long been wrapped around her neck or perched on her shoulder was now a fine looking young gentleman wrapped about her waist. The Master had no doubt that these two were more than the eye allowed the grasp of, it seemed almost impossible not to find. At least he would protect her from the world at large, even if their previously undefined and unprecedented relationship was even right.

"Go then. Be safe. I will return shortly with a small contribution to your journey. The least I can do is fund your adventure, seeing as how this discovery is what we were asking of you all along. Pan, I trust you to take care of her, she's one of our most treasured members, just like you. I don't care what your relationship may become. Just promise that one day you will return to us and reveal what you have discovered," the Master said and before they could reply he turned away. At least this gave them time to pack. Lyra had no idea that even though she had lived with them for years, that any member of the college held any compassion for her or her Daemon mate.

"Let's go pack, Lyra," her beloved said and she nodded mutely and followed him into their room, wondering when they were going to be back.

(A/N: There will be more to come. I suddenly have inspiration again, and for all of you who actually read this and enjoy the pairing, there will be more lemony goodness later on, but for now I would like to focus on the compassion between these two and the discovery of their meaning in the world.)


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